In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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