she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
