I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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