is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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