i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
