yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
