just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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