I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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