To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
