im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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