dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
