It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
