your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
