I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's shark week go big or go home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
