mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
