I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
