Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
