I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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