just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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