8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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