New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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