Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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