Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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