The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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