I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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