Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
