Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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