had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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