He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
