it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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