everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
