i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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