I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize