Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I could fuck to npr.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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