you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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