i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
