Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
