Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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