My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
