so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize