I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
