3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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