i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
