I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
