I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
