My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
