Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I only lived at night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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