Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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