people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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