in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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