my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is Oprah even human
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
