im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
