Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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