weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
