dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
