His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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