I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
