We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
