i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
