I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
