epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
