I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
