Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
