The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
operation harelip BJ is a go
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize