Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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