Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
