Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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