There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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