haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
